Women are such cows!

It would appear that women across the world might have a future as human cows.

First up is PETA.  In this story, PETA is urging Ben & Jerry’s to refrain from using cow milk in their creamy confections.  Their solution?  HUMAN BREAST MILK!  That’s right - moo juice is gonna be replaced with mom juice.  (typing that made me throw up in my mouth a little bit)  I do not even want to imagine the clever new ice cream names.

Across the pond, Chinese women are seling their breast milk in response to the baby formula scare.  Wet nursing is nothing new, but this incident seems to have created a boom in demand.

If these two stories are any indication of things to come, we are in for a pretty weird future.

*EDIT* Chelsea from zomgnews.net suggested a new flavor for breast milk ice cream - “Nipple Ripple”.

Broken Big Daddy Update

If you were one of the unlucky few that received a broken Big Daddy figure with your Bioshock pre-order, this is for you.  Yesterday afternoon this little gem hit my gmail:

” The BioShock figurine replacement program is nearing completion after some delays due to production of the replacement figurines. We appreciate your patience and in order to speed things up, 2K Games is eliminating the step in which you are required to return the broken figurine (we’ve figured you’ve waited long enough!).

In the next two weeks, we will begin shipping out a single package containing both the replacement figurine and the art book to customers who enrolled in the program by November 12th. There will be no return box or need to return the broken figurine to our attention.

Thanks for your support and interest in BioShock, and for your patience during the replacement figurine program.
2K Games”

I cannot say enough good things about 2K Games and the way that they have handled this situation.  Given that sub-par customer service is pretty much the norm nowadays, experiences like this really stand out.  Whatever they are paying their customer service group at 2K is not enough.  Kudos!

CoD4: Modern Warfare - better than WHAT??!?

I have not had a chance to grab the demo, but this gem from the official boards has piqued my interest:

“i just got some real poon for the first time a week ago (stfu im only 15) and i gotta admit it was not nearly all what i was expecting. i used to think the world would stop turning and zeus would come down to shake my hand. but now i dont even think about it that much jerking it feels better so id pick COD4 just cus ive been waiting for it for so long and i could get some poon again later with a better girl cus this one sucked so bad on top im still pissed.”

So…yeah.  Guess I’ll pick it up when it comes out.

Use headphones with caution

For those of you that do not know me, I work for a very large global shipping company that has a affinity for odd color combinations. I also Absolutely, Positively LOVE my job.

One of the best parts about being a cube jockey is that headphones are allowed (and, in some cases, encouraged). The only problem is that headphone use can lead to potentially uncomfortable situations.

Waaaaay back in 2000 I was working for a dot-com, which meant that I had quite a few all-night coding sprees. One evening I was listening to Bree Sharp’s “David Duchovney” and was overcome with the urge to sing. “I’m the only one here”, I thought, “So what’s the big deal? I’m not bothering anyone!”

Turns out I was not the only one burning the midnight oil. Our (very very cute) project manager had snuck in to the office to follow up on some emails. So yeah - she never looked at me the same again.

The next time i was working for a freight brokerage company. Same thing, different song. “Woman” by Portishead. MUCH more difficult to explain that one.

The latest incident was today. I was running some queries during my lunch break and blasting techno. One of our other programmers happened to have skipped lunch and came into my cube just in time to bust me doing the Numa Numa dance. I have no idea how to explain myself.

Anyone else get busted in a somewhat embarrassing headphone-related incident?

PAX 2007 - Tales of a Plus One

Last weekend was PAX, the Penny Arcade Expo. I went with Chelseabot as her “plus one” (i.e. special guests of Omeganauts). You can read her account of the Omegathon right here.

I decided to fly on Frontier and was glad that I did. $5.00 for 4 hours of DirecTV vs. $0.00 for being trapped in a awkward conversation next to some insurance salesman from Florida? Money well spent in my book!

Upon arriving at SeaTac, we were greeted by our limo and whisked (well, as “whisked” as you can be in the traffic on I-5) away to our hotel. Chelsea and I decided to sneak into the convention center early and ran right in to Tycho and his wife. I tried to act casual and calmly ask a few questions (directions to the nearest EB Games, would he ever write a novel, etc) and I think I pulled it off. There have been several times in my life when I have come face to face with fame and been severely disappointed - I am happy to say that it was not the case with Jerry. For all of his scathing wit, he is a really nice guy when you get him one-on-one.

Four hours after finally finding the damned EB Games (thanks for the great directions asshole!) Chelsea and I met up with the rest of our crew for dinner, which lead to me spending the rest of the evening in severe abdominal pain.  Should have skipped that Taxi Dog for lunch and gone with a Piroshky.

Friday morning I had recovered from the previous evening’s events and was ready to hit the con. First round - JENGA! I had no idea that watching a game of Jenga could be so intense. I doubt that even the sparkling clarity of 1080p could capture the nerve-wracking experience in any justifiable way. Five Omeganauts down, 16 to go.

We hit the Gabe and Tycho panel and were somewhat amused. We wanted to stay, but our stomachs had other ideas. We left during the Q&A portion of the panel, opting to eat rather than listen to another person ask the ever-annoying “Pirates vs Ninjas” question. About 5 minutes after we walked to the Subway, Chelsea got a phone call from a friend in the panel. He was informing us that Uwe Boll was now on the stage and that most of the remaining audience was standing there slack jawed in stunned amazement. Thank God for our empty stomachs!

After eating and meeting up with our ever-growing crew, we used Chelsea’s amazing line-cutting ability to snag a PS3 to get in some practice on “Calling All Cars”(round 2). The very expensive piece of Sony hardware crashed while we were playing. Not exactly a ringing endorsement, I know. Calling All Cars (CaC - pronounced “CACK”), sucks. The control scheme is mushy, no one knows what is going on and it is generally un-fun. Like, Top Gun on the NES un-fun.

After the console room we hit the main theater for the concerts. Optimus Rhyme, Freezepop and the Minibosses. Freezepop was a little disappointing live. Not that they were horrible or anything - just not as good as the album. The Minibosses rocked as always, but you can only listen to them for so long. I checked out and jumped on one of the free play PC’s to check out the new World in Conflict demo. I’ve played RTS games before so I understand how they are laid out. At least, I thought I understood. The game sat there for about 30 minutes mocking my attempts to move ANY units on the map. I supposed I should have actually spent time going through the tutorial, but this is a GAME not a enterprise application server. Pretty non-intuitive.

Saturday morning we hit the dealer hall and Chelsea managed to get Tycho to confess to her that round four would indeed be Rock Star (and not Karaoke Revolution, as was stated). All she had to do was get past Calling All Cars and Q3A. The Calling All Cars round was another tense round to watch. Chelsea managed to squeak by with one point. She wasn’t so lucky in the Q3A round (i.e. Girls vs. FPS). All of the remaining XX Omeganauts got wiped. There was talk amongst them of forming a lynch mob and going after John Carmack, but the revolt was quickly put to rest with the use of liberal amounts of chocolate ice cream and crepes. Performances by the Sex Generals, Photoshop Heros and the Dangling Participles (a la Rock Band) helped as well.

Having the “Special Guest” pass was amazing - we were actually BEHIND Jonathan Coulton during the show.  Next up was MC Frontalot and his crew - amazing as always.  I was especially touched that he actually remembered me from the Memphis show.  I’m really hoping that the Katamari Damacy/Penny Arcade Theme Song mashup is on the DVD.

While I felt bad that Chelsea got wiped in Quake, I was happy that she and I were no longer tethered to the Omeganaut schedule.  We got to roam the dealer room and discuss data architecture with the Warhammer Online guys, play around the with Penny Arcade Adventures character generator and collect some kickin’ rad free schwag.

After getting home I noticed that the PAX boards were full of people complaining of catching a cold while attenting the convention.  The only ailment that I managed to bring back with me was a serious addiction to Puzzle Quest on the DS.